Valleywalking with comfort of rod and staff

After a toasty night sunchipping by the Kernville river with some smoky Just Outstanding IPA, we got up with the sun and meandered towards Death Valley. Everyone's cramping buttocks were itching to walk, so we picked a dune in the distance, a voluptuous one that curved around a lower dune, and walked towards it, fueled by double cheeseburgers from In n' Out. Our discovery of the day courtesy of Mason is that you are allowed to request three different types of onions: grilled, cold grilled, and raw. Maximizing value is the name o' the game.

"P'tain, comme y fait chaud quoi!" being the phrase of the day, it was funny to see other people plodding out with no water and clearly insufficient sunscreen. Plump human lobsters be not so tasty.

California has got it going on when it comes to landscapes that make you want to blast Yann Tiersen as you bump along gravel roads. I've been on a OneRepublic kick recently, particularly when "matcha tea" choco chip cookies are involved, so I subjected car mates to that instead. Joseph Arthur, you can play your L Word macking jams as well.

With this scenery outside the car, it was hard not to take excellent pictures, despite my efforts to shake the camera and outright refusal to tweak any of the settings. Exposure time, da fuq is that? Similar color palette as our Bishop and Mammoth Lakes trip, though I guess I should have made the connection that anything in the eastern Sierras would have that craggy blue and sandy brown Billabong-ad look. And anyone that has played Diablo 2 would have expected bipedal cats in armor to be throwing spears and Molotov cocktails of toxic green fog.

Sand dunes are awesome. While planning out our sojourns, I'd picked up some online rumbles from grumbling locals that the only dunes worth going to were the remote ones so that you couldn't see people for miles. The Mesquite dunes we went to were literally next to the ranger station and as you can see, not a single person in sight. And we didn't have to push through sand for eight miles. There are the pesky footprints, but really, who are we deceiving? Bunch o' scrappy city kids running out into the desertlands in flip flops, yelping at the sunny face of the dunes for being hurty, sinking in knee-deep on the cooler side.

Most of the hike was scampering from shaded area to another. After a while, conversation faded to a calm patter and all you focus on is the warm sound of shuffling gravel echoing. Bright white sunlight has a way of making everything feel so clean and clear.

Group shot of the toasty crew

I <3 cairns.

Using cairns to mark how a trail meanders is always such a nice experience. Little blips of natural art that anyone can add to and such. #communism

I have sweet Boy Scoutin' memories of waking up in the 3 am darkness to stumble through the forest on a cairn quest. Sprinkled throughout the map were rocks with ragged notebooks to date and add your name to, and if you find them all, you get a some bling shaped like hiking boots. Do it all at night by flashlight and they dye the boots black.

Sexually and gender non-conforming rocks

While we rested in the shade of the canyon, I obviously felt obligated to sift through the rocks and build a rainbow. How else will future settlers of the valley know that a crew of gays and a lady passed through? Look on my artworks, ye Mighty, and despair! We'd seen a few examples of this rock art, as we started the hike, so obviously other people had noticed how multi-hued the place was.

The quick scramble into the upper Fell Canyon

Honestly, not worth a mention in the hike guides as a "climb." V0---? You step on the pile of loose rocks, grab some jugs, heave your body upwards, and you're done. Discussions of people agonizing over whether to go up and over made me think that this would be some epic stemming.

Tectonic tilt

The end of the hike culminates in a huge boulder sitting at the foot of a dry falls. I know flash floods are dangerous in canyons, but it would have been a great day for a gentle flood to come down (along with a set of six inner tubes. Preferably in green, thanks).

Badwater Salt Flats

We raced out of the canyon to catch the sun setting over the salt flats. Like walking on crunchy craters of the moon. Some of us tasted the salt. Minerally. Boraxious.

So many more trips to be planned and on the horizon: grunion run, Joshua Tree, Half Dome, Oregon, Long Beach. Excited!

Craters of salt and sand

Artist's palette rocks before driving back to SF